Many parents ask, “How long does toddler hitting phase last?” and “When do toddlers stop hitting?” The toddler hitting age range often starts around 12 to 18 months. It typically peaks between 1 and 2 years old. For most children, this phase lessens and stops as they get better at talking and handling feelings, usually by the age when toddler hitting stops around 3 to 4 years old. However, every child is different. Some may stop sooner, while others might take a little longer.
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Seeing Why Toddlers Hit
It is hard for parents when little ones hit. But hitting is a very common typical toddler hitting behavior. It is part of how they grow and learn. It happens for many reasons. Knowing these reasons helps you know how to help your child.
Reasons Why Toddlers Hit
Toddlers hit because they are still learning about the world and how to act. Their brains are growing fast. They have big feelings but few words.
No Words Yet
Little toddlers cannot always use words. They cannot say “I want that toy!” or “I am mad!” or “I need your help!” Hitting is a way they try to talk. It is their way of saying something is wrong.
Big Feelings
Toddlers feel things very strongly. They get very happy or very sad or very angry very quickly. They do not know what to do with these strong feelings. Hitting can be a way to let out that big feeling. It is like a burst of energy they cannot control.
Learning Cause and Effect
Toddlers are like little scientists. They push buttons. They drop food. They watch what happens. Hitting is a test too. They hit to see what happens. Do you look surprised? Does the other child cry? Does it get them what they want? They are just learning about actions and what comes after them.
Not Knowing How to Share
Sharing is a hard idea for toddlers. They see something they want, and they just take it. If someone has it, they might hit to get it. They do not yet understand that other people have feelings or rights to things.
Tired, Hungry, or Overwhelmed
Like adults, toddlers get grumpy when they are tired or hungry. They also get too excited or have too much going on around them. These things make it harder for them to manage their actions. Hitting can happen more when they are not feeling their best.
Copying Others
Children learn by watching. If they see hitting on TV, or if an older child hits, they might copy it. It does not mean they are mean. It just means they are trying out what they see.
Wanting Attention
Even negative attention is still attention. If a child feels ignored, hitting might get a quick reaction from you. They learn that hitting gets your eyes on them fast.
Toddler Hitting Developmental Stage Explained
The hitting phase fits into the toddler hitting developmental stage. This stage is about learning to be their own person. They are finding out what they can do. They are also learning about other people.
- Ages 1 to 2: This is often when hitting starts and is most common. Children are moving more. They are starting to want things. They have feelings they cannot name. Hitting is mostly from not knowing how to talk or share. It is not done to be mean. It is more like a reflex or a simple action. It is part of their exploration.
- Ages 2 to 3: Hitting might still happen. But children are getting better at talking. They can sometimes use words for what they want or feel. Hitting might happen when they are very frustrated. It might be a learned habit. They are starting to understand rules a little more. They are learning about “no.”
- Ages 3 to 4: Most children hit much less often now. They can use words better. They understand feelings a bit more. They know rules better. If hitting still happens often, it might be due to a specific issue, like big changes at home or needing more help with feelings.
This is the general toddler aggression duration. It usually goes down as they grow and gain skills.
How to Stop Toddler Hitting: What You Can Do
Managing toddler hitting takes time and calm effort. There is no magic fix that works right away. But these steps can help you and your child through it. How to stop toddler hitting focuses on teaching new skills and setting clear limits.
Step 1: React Quickly and Calmly
When hitting happens, act fast. But stay as calm as you can. Your reaction teaches them.
* Get down to their level.
* Use a clear, simple voice.
* Say “No hitting.” or “Hands are not for hitting.” Keep it short.
* Do not shout or hit back. This teaches them that hitting is okay when you are upset.
Step 2: Move Them Away
Take your child away from the situation or person they hit right away. This shows them that hitting stops the fun or interaction.
* You can say, “You hit. We need to move.”
* Take them to a quiet spot for a very short time (one minute per year of age is a rule of thumb, but even less might work for young toddlers). This is not punishment. It is a moment to reset.
* Sit with them if they need you. But do not give lots of attention for the hitting.
Step 3: Focus on the Victim
Show care for the person who was hit. This teaches your child about feelings.
* Check if the other person is okay.
* You can say things like, “Are you okay? That looked like it hurt.”
* This helps the child who hit see the result of their action.
Step 4: Teach Other Ways to Act
Once things are calm, show your child what to do instead of hitting. This is a key part of dealing with hitting toddlers.
* Teach words: Help them say “Mine,” “Stop,” “I’m mad,” or “Help, please.” Practice these words often when they are not upset.
* Teach gentle hands: Show them how to touch softly. Practice “nice hands.” Use their hands to stroke a toy or your arm gently.
* Teach other actions: What else can they do when upset? Teach them to stomp feet (safely), hug a toy, or ask for a hug.
Step 5: Set Clear Rules
Toddlers need simple rules. Repeat them often.
* “We use gentle hands.”
* “Hands are for playing and helping.”
* Post simple pictures of good behavior if you like.
Step 6: Use Positive Attention
Give lots of praise and attention when your child is not hitting. Catch them being good.
* Say, “I like how you are using gentle hands with the dog.”
* Say, “Thank you for using your words to ask for the toy.”
* This shows them that good actions get positive notice.
Step 7: Look for What Causes It
Try to see why the hitting is happening. Is it always when they are tired? Hungry? When sharing a certain toy?
* If you see a pattern, you can try to stop it before it starts.
* Make sure they eat and sleep enough.
* Give them warning before changes happen (like leaving the park).
* Have enough toys so sharing fights happen less.
* Help them when they feel overwhelmed.
Step 8: Stay Strong and Repeat
Changing behavior takes time. You will need to repeat these steps many, many times. Be patient. Be steady. Do not give up. Consistency is very important for managing toddler hitting.
What Not to Do
- Do not hit back: This teaches them hitting is okay.
- Do not bite or mock: This is confusing and harmful.
- Do not give in: If they hit to get a toy, do not give them the toy. This teaches them hitting works.
- Do not give too much attention (negative attention): A big, loud reaction might encourage them to do it again just for the show. Keep your reaction firm but low-key after the initial stop.
- Do not shame them: Do not call them “bad.” Focus on the behavior (“Hitting is not okay”) not the child (“You are a bad boy”).
Grasping the Toddler Aggression Duration
The term toddler aggression duration sounds serious, but for most toddlers, hitting is not true aggression. It is more about lack of skills. The phase length depends on many things.
* How fast your child develops language.
* Their natural energy level.
* How you respond to the behavior.
* Stress levels at home.
Think of it as a temporary learning phase. It usually lasts months, not years. It might seem like forever when you are in it. But it does lessen for most children.
How to Deal with Hitting Toddlers in Public
Hitting in public can feel very stressful. People look. You feel judged. The same rules apply, but it is harder.
* Remove your child right away from the person or situation they hit. Find a quiet corner.
* Use your calm, firm voice. “No hitting. We don’t hit people.”
* If you cannot safely remove them, you may need to leave the place. It is hard, but it sends a strong message. “Because you hit, we have to go home now.”
* Deal with the behavior first. Worry about what others think less. Your child’s learning is most important.
Helping Siblings or Friends
If your child hits a sibling or friend, it is tough for everyone.
* Follow the steps: Stop the hitting, remove your child, comfort the child who was hit.
* Help the child who hit say sorry when they are calm. Do not force it right after the hitting. Wait until they are ready. You can say, “When you are ready, we will say sorry to [name].” Or you can say sorry for them first, “I am sorry [child’s name] hit you.”
* Teach the child who hit how to make it better. Maybe they can bring a toy or offer a hug (if the other child is okay with it).
* Spend special time with the child who was hit to make sure they feel safe and cared for.
When to Ask for Help
For most families, the hitting phase passes. The toddler aggression duration is limited. But sometimes, hitting or other strong behaviors continue often or seem very intense past age 3 or 4. Or maybe you just feel overwhelmed. It is okay to ask for help.
* Talk to your child’s doctor. They can check if anything else is going on. They can give advice.
* Talk to a child behavior expert or therapist. They can give you specific ways to handle the hitting and understand your child’s needs better.
* Talk to your child’s teacher or daycare provider. They see lots of children and might have good ideas.
Help is there if you need it. It does not mean you are failing. It means you are a good parent wanting the best for your child.
Summary of Key Points on Hitting
Here is a quick look at the main ideas about dealing with hitting toddlers:
| Aspect | What It Looks Like for Toddlers | How Long Does it Last? (Typical) | What Helps? |
|---|---|---|---|
| Why they hit | Cannot use words, big feelings, testing rules, wanting things, tired | N/A | Teaching words, showing other actions, meeting basic needs (sleep, food) |
| When it starts/ends | Often starts 1-2 years, peaks 1-2 years | Usually lessens by 3-4 years | Consistent response, positive teaching of new skills |
| Typical behavior | Hitting quickly when upset or wanting something | Temporary phase | Calm, quick stopping of the action |
| How to stop | Act fast, remove child, teach other ways, set rules, use positive attention | Over time with practice | Patience, repetition, looking for causes, teaching feelings |
| Managing it | Staying calm, being steady, dealing with feelings | Takes ongoing effort | Creating a safe environment, showing lots of love when not hitting |
| Aggression duration | Usually not true aggression, but lack of skill | Lessens as skills grow | Teaching communication, managing feelings |
| Dealing with it | Responding clearly, teaching alternatives, preventing when possible | Needs parent effort | Self-care for parents, asking for help if needed |
| Age when it stops | Most children stop or hit rarely by 3-4 years | Can vary by child | Continued teaching and support for communication and feelings |
Hitting is a normal, though hard, part of being a toddler parent. It is a sign your child is growing and learning. Your calm guidance helps them move past this phase and learn better ways to act.
Interpreting Toddler Behavior
It is important to look at the whole child, not just the hitting. Is the child hitting often? Is it always in certain places or with certain people? Is it happening with other behaviors like biting or kicking a lot? Or is it just sometimes when they are tired?
Most typical toddler hitting behavior is linked to those simple reasons: no words, big feelings, testing things. If it is more than this, like seeming planned or done to truly hurt often, then it might be worth talking to a doctor or expert.
But for most toddlers, hitting is like a puzzle piece that does not fit yet. They try to jam it in (by hitting) because they do not know how else to use it (like using words). Your job is to show them where the piece does fit.
Building New Skills Instead of Hitting
Teaching skills is the core of how to stop toddler hitting. Think about what skill is missing when they hit.
- If they hit when wanting a toy: Teach them to point, to say “Mine,” to ask “Can I have?” (even if it is just a sound or sign at first), or to trade toys.
- If they hit when mad: Teach them words for feelings: “Mad,” “Sad,” “Frustrated.” Teach them actions: Stomp feet, squeeze hands tight, take a deep breath (you do it with them).
- If they hit when excited: Teach them to clap hands, jump up and down (safely), or use happy words.
- If they hit for attention: Make sure they get lots of positive attention when they are doing good things. Set aside special one-on-one time each day, even just 10 minutes, where you fully focus on them.
Teaching takes practice. Do these things when everyone is calm. Role-play with stuffed animals. Read books about feelings and sharing.
The Role of Feelings in Toddler Hitting
Toddlers feel feelings very strongly in their bodies. They do not have the thinking part of the brain fully ready to manage them. When they feel a big feeling like anger or frustration, it is like a wave. Hitting can be their body’s first reaction to that wave.
Helping them name feelings helps them learn to manage them. You can say:
* “You look mad because the tower fell.”
* “You seem frustrated that the toy won’t work.”
* “I see you are happy!”
Naming the feeling for them gives them the word for that feeling in their body. Over time, they start to connect the feeling with the word. This is a big step in handling feelings without hitting.
Making Your Home a Safe Place
Creating a safe space for your child helps with managing toddler hitting.
* Keep things calm when you can. Too much noise or too many changes can be hard.
* Have a cozy spot where they can go if they feel big feelings. Maybe with soft pillows or favorite books.
* Make sure they have ways to be active and use their energy. Running, jumping, playing outside helps little bodies and minds.
What About Biting or Kicking?
Hitting is often grouped with other physical actions like biting, kicking, or pushing. They often happen for the same reasons as hitting (lack of words, big feelings). The ways to handle them are similar:
* Stop the action quickly.
* Say clearly, “No biting,” or “No kicking.”
* Remove them from the situation.
* Comfort the child who was hurt.
* Teach other ways to act (use words, use gentle touches).
These behaviors also tend to happen in the toddler hitting age range and usually lessen by the age when toddler hitting stops.
Dealing with Your Own Feelings
Dealing with hitting toddlers is hard on parents too. You might feel:
* Embarrassed (especially in public)
* Frustrated or angry
* Worried
* Tired
It is okay to feel these things. Take a deep breath. Step away for a moment if you can (make sure your child is safe first). Talk to your partner, a friend, or family. Remember it is a phase. You are doing a good job by helping your child learn.
Table: Teaching Alternatives to Hitting
| Reason for Hitting | Skill to Teach | How to Practice (Simple Steps) |
|---|---|---|
| Wanting a toy | Asking, Sharing, Trading | Say “My turn please?”, point, practice trading toys |
| Feeling Mad/Frustrated | Using Words for Feelings, Safe Ways to Express | Say “Mad!”, stomp feet (safely), hug a pillow |
| Wanting Attention | Asking Nicely, Doing Good Things | Say “Look!”, show you a toy, share something |
| Not Knowing What to Do | Using Words for Needs, Asking for Help | Say “Help me,” point to what they need |
| Overwhelmed/Tired | Recognizing Feelings, Asking for Quiet Time | Say “Tired,” go to a quiet spot, ask for a hug |
This table helps show that for every hitting moment, there is a different, better skill your child can learn with your help.
Consistency is Key
Toddlers learn through repetition. You need to respond to hitting the same way every time. If you sometimes let it slide (because you are busy or tired) and sometimes react, it is confusing for your child. They do not know what to expect. Being steady and doing the same steps helps them learn the rule faster.
This applies to everyone who cares for your child – parents, grandparents, babysitters, daycare staff. Try to have everyone use a similar simple message and action when hitting happens.
Seeing Progress
How long does the toddler aggression duration truly last? You will start to see small steps. Maybe they start to say “Mad” before hitting. Maybe they stop themselves sometimes. Maybe they hit less often. These are signs that they are learning. Celebrate these small wins! It shows your efforts are working.
Remember the age when toddler hitting stops is usually around 3 or 4. By this age, most children have many more words and can handle feelings better. The hitting might still happen rarely when they are very tired or upset, but it is less of a go-to behavior.
This phase, while tough, is a chance to teach your child key skills: how to manage big feelings, how to get needs met using words, and how to be gentle with others. You are not just stopping hitting; you are helping them grow into kind, capable people.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does hitting mean my toddler is a bully?
No, for young toddlers (1-3 years old), hitting is not typically bullying. Bullying means trying to hurt someone on purpose, often over and over, using power. Toddler hitting is usually due to lack of skills like talking or handling feelings. They are not trying to be mean in the way an older child or adult might.
What if my toddler hits me?
Handle it the same way as if they hit anyone else. It is important for them to learn that hitting anyone, even you, is not okay. Stop the action, say “No hitting,” remove them briefly, and teach gentle touches or words.
My toddler hits only when they are tired. What should I do?
This is common. It means they have less control when they are tired. The best thing is to try to prevent them from getting overtired. Stick to nap and bed times. If hitting happens, handle it calmly, then focus on getting them rest. You can also say, “I see you are tired, and that makes you want to hit. Let’s find a quiet place to rest.”
Should I make my toddler say sorry?
Forcing a very young toddler to say sorry right after they hit might not mean much to them. They might just say the word without understanding. It is better to wait until they are calm. Then you can help them understand why saying sorry matters. You can say, “When you hit, it hurts. Saying sorry helps the other person feel better.” You can practice saying sorry together. Or you can say sorry for them in the moment (“I’m sorry [child’s name] hit you”) to show care for the person hurt.
Is it normal for hitting to come back sometimes?
Yes, it is normal for behaviors like hitting to pop up again sometimes, especially during times of stress, change (new sibling, moving, starting school), or when they are tired or sick. This is not a failure. Just calmly go back to the steps you used before to manage it.
What if my toddler gets hit by another child?
Stay calm. Comfort your child who was hit. Check if they are okay. Talk to the other child’s parent or the caregiver in charge. Explain what happened simply. Focus on helping your child feel safe and on handling your own child’s reaction (sadness, anger). You can say, “It is not okay for them to hit you. Hitting hurts.” Then return to teaching your child gentle hands and using words.
This toddler hitting developmental stage is a phase. It takes time and effort, but with steady, calm responses and teaching new skills, the hitting will likely lessen and stop as your child grows and learns better ways to interact with the world.